So I don’t really know where to start with this blog,  I guess it is like an artist putting pen to paper and seeing where their mind goes in hope that they will end up with an emotive masterpiece. I just felt compelled to write about a recent experience which I hope will help others.

Why was I feeling sick?

Over the past week or so I’ve felt sick in my stomach, like having a type of knot you can’t shake and it drives you mad! I had a recent experience where something so trivial happened that many would have shrugged it off and not read anything into it but my reaction shocked me – why was I feeling sick for a week? Friends were telling me to let it go, and I was hearing them and so desperately wanting to, but sleepless nights and high emotions led me to drink far too much, a repeated theme in my past complex life.

For anyone who knows me or my story, I am proud to say since the age of 10 (now 37) I have dealt with many knocks and emotional situations which have led to experiences of feeling deeply depressed, isolated, neglected, worthless, anxious, and misunderstood….the list goes on. I should stress now that these are all past emotions that have been overcome.

We all have a default comfort zone

Through previous difficulties, my default comfort zone is of deep emotion and talking through problems, feelings, and thoughts. (Some people’s default is to be carefree) I have built myself up to believe I am strong as I can deal with the ‘serious shit’ life throws at me, and in a way this is true, however, does this mean I am strong on all levels? Last week I realised the answer was no. It just means I know how to handle deep emotional situations. The same applies to everyone – everyone has strengths in totally different ways, in ways they have built through their own personal experiences. Not being able to handle a situation isn’t a sign of weakness, it is purely a lack of experience because your path has never had to face it before.

Things happen for a reason

I am a huge believer that things happen for a reason – a reason to test us, shape us and help us understand who we truly are; so going back to the trivial, some would say ‘silly situation’ a week or so ago led me to go to see a hypnotherapist as it had clearly unearthed an uncomfortable feeling in my subconscious that I never knew was there. It made me realise that no matter what age you are, or the experiences you go through, deep emotions are always stored and can come out and surprise you at any time, even over the tiniest of situations. If you are not comfortable with having those ‘forgotten feelings’ being part of your present you then you have a choice to make peace with them.

I wanted to share with you that even ‘strong’ characters face emotional knocks and shocks and it is OK to seek help so we understand ourselves better. It is at this point I want to stress that you should NEVER BE ASHAMED for seeking help, whether that is to see a counselor, a mindfulness coach or any specialist. We don’t feel ashamed to tell our friends and family we are going to the doctors for a broken bone, so never feel ashamed to tell them you are seeing a specialist for broken emotion. 

Hypnotherapy what?

Back to the hypnotherapist, (for the record, hypnotherapy isn’t like the old Paul Mckenna programs – it is about unearthing your subconscious mind and unlocking emotion from experience), I went to see him as I shocked myself by my emotional reaction to a situation and I wanted to explore why it had affected me so much. Why did I feel like that, and why did I drink too much again?  If I am honest I didn’t think would help me. I won’t go into the session –  but after it, I felt like something had changed, and It wasn’t until I left I truly realised how. 

The realisation

Throughout my life, I have dealt with so much emotion that when I drank too much a switch would go off and my character would totally change. I was pouring poison into a hidden melting pot of intense feelings – a box I thought had gone years ago. I can’t explain it but the hypnotherapist made me realise that my comfort zone is discussing emotional thoughts and situations. The calm and the light-hearted side of life many easily lead was one that I found difficult to experience many times unless I had a drink to take me there. In the session, we did an exercise and I went back to being a carefree child – It made me shed tears, not sad tears but I think tears of relief that I had potentially found her again and that there is still that person inside – she just hadn’t been free for a long time. It is crazy to think that you think you know yourself until something unexpected happens. I always thought I was strong in every sense but it made me realise that I was strong on one level but have been weak for years in a totally different way. 

You are never too late to make a change and get advice

I guess the point of the blog is to say no matter what age you are you are never too old to make changes, you are never too old to realise you have a weakness and you should never be ashamed to admit that you want help or advice. Admitting you have flaws is all part of growing and becoming stronger. To start to understand the real person you are meant to be is undeniably the most exhilarating discoveries you can unearth. Everyone deserves to be authentically fabulous, and when you realise you can be, the meaning of life becomes that bit more delightful. 

Clo